they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
