i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
