sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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