cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
