Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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