So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
