I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
