forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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