Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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