If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
