and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
