Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
