After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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