we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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