He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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