I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
