loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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