my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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