Your dad touched me again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
