Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
