My Higher Power is John Stamos
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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