fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
