You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
