I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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