She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
