You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
