it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
