even my farts smell like vagina
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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