Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
