I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
