So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
