She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
