I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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