Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
