I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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