I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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