Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
