I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
