How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
