wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I just went to clothing optional bar
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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