Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
