omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
