apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
