I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize