I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize