all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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