I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
