i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
