I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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