I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
