you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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