Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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