My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
