At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
