guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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