I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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