You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize