I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
