She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
