Where is the hickey?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
