He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
