Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize