I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
