She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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