ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
