im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
