there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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