she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ok first of all what the fuck
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
