yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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