he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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