We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
did you just send me my own nude
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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