dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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