if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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