mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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