i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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