Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
