I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
