dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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