I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You left your phone here
Wait...
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