i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
