so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The best revenge is premature balding
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
