So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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