One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
