theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize