My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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