did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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