Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
