I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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