Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize