never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
