whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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