I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
