You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
