dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
