That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
