My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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