Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
