The maid of honor just puked.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
