why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
