So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
