dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
