My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
