I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
