So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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